Vayechi

Today would have been my  mother-in-law’s 90th birthday. She passed away 11 months ago, just 3 weeks after her birthday. Having been diagnosed only a short three weeks before her birthday, I spent much of those last days by her bedside, including the morning that she was taken to the hospital. As I had with my own mother, I asked my mother-in-law if she was scared. Her answer was quite comforting to me at the time as she said, “Why should I be scared? I have lived a rich life, having a beautiful family, doing so much, and having been able to love twice.” In her eyes, her life was complete.

During those last days she had many visitors who had been close friends over the decades. She was showered with love and she was able to comfort them with a smile or a nod, acknowledging their presence. It was one last grasp at holding onto a long and meaningful love that each had for the other. And I was blessed to be able to sit with her as she took her last breath, being the daughter by marriage that she trusted enough to let me be there at that moment of transition.

This week’s parasha is named Vayechi, meaning “and he lived.” As with Parashat Chaye Sarah, in which Sarah dies, this parasha also deals with death, the end of both Jacob’s and Joseph’s lives. Joseph hears that his father is about to die, and brings his sons, Menashe and Ephraim, to visit their grandfather. Jacob thinks of these two sons as if they were his own, saying, “Your two sons, born before I came to Egypt, shall belong to me just like Reuben and Simeon.” He reaches out to bless them, as many years earlier his father had blessed him. Joseph had his sons kneel before Jacob. Ephraim was to Jacob’s left and Manashe to Jacob’s right. Jacob then stretched out his right hand and placed it upon Ephraim’s head–though he was the younger–and his left hand was upon Menashe’s head. Joseph, noticing that Jacob’s right hand was on the younger one’s head, attempted to correct his father. But Jacob knowingly gave the greater blessing to the younger grandson. As if reliving his past, Jacob knew that the younger would prevail as the greater, as he said, “He, too, will become a tribe. He, too, will be great but his younger brother will be greater than he and his seed will complete the nations.” And he blessed them on that day saying, “May God make you as Ephraim and Menashe – yesimcha elohim k’efraim v’chimenashe.”

Following  the blessing of Jacob’s grandsons, he draws his family close and conveys his last words to each son. One would think that the dying patriarch would first bless his children before providing for the next generation. But here we see a crossover of generations, just like we saw in a crossover in birth order. And who is the “you” that Jacob is addressing in that blessing of Ephraim and Menashe – may you be blessed ….”

Jacob identifies each of his sons with their unique traits and tells of their future in his final words to them. He knows their past, he knows of the sibling unrest that has been their lot. He remembers his own relationship with his brother and the brotherly tension of past generations. But in Ephraim and Menashe he sees brothers who have not quarreled and who each will become their own tribe. They are a product of Joseph’s parenting, which reflect their Egyptian upbringing and yet have a strong bond to their Israelite heritage. The grandparent sees the potential in his grandsons for maintaining their roots.

Much like Jacob and his grandsons, my mother-in-law, born in England, saw the importance of sharing her heritage with her grandchildren. In 2008 she took her four grandchildren on a once-in-a-lifetime trip to her home country. They saw where she had lived, saw the sights, and learned to appreciate British culture, cuisine, and the history that helped mold their grandmother. My daughter and son returned home with a renewed love for the matriarch of our family, and with a deepened relationship with their cousins. The blessing was given directly to her grandchildren, but seeing the transformation in them gave me added joy and love for the woman that my kids called “Grandma.” 

So again, who is Jacob blessing when he says “May you be blessed like Ephraim and Menashe?” I think perhaps Jacob is giving an added blessing to his favored son, Joseph, and generations to follow. The existence of Jacob – Israel, is a source of blessing for us all. As we light our Shabbat candles, drink the fruit of the vine, eat some challah, and bless our children, we utter the words of this week’s parasha, praying that our sons may be like those grandsons of Jacob, who are as Israel’s own, living wherever they may, but always remembering and honoring their soulful heritage. May we be blessed on this and every Shabbat, as Ephraim and Menashe, or as our Matriarchs – Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel, and Leah. May God bless us and keep us. May God’s face shine upon us. And may God grant us the greatest of all blessings, the blessing of peace.

Ken yehi ratzon - May it be God’s will